Recuperating

Yonathan a.k.a Yoyo, 4 months old..

He has been keeping me company all the while when I was recuperating at home..

He kept not only me but everyone around busy, thus, not to think too much..

He's always at the centre of attention.. bringing in joy and laughter ..

Sometimes, I wished my baby is still around..

I believe he would be much adorable too..

L.O.S.T

Once again..

Im lost in the middle of nowhere..

Doubts..

Been staying home for more than 2 weeks, recuperating. Hoping to recover as soon as possible and get back to work. Being a workaholic, staying home aimlessly, with nothing to do besides watching tv and sleeping is much more hard to endure than burying myself to work. At least, being at work keeps me occupied, not going to think and stress out myself worrying these and that.

I've been wondering why would all these happening as I have been extremely careful watching my diet, steps etc.. I have been praying so hard that the baby would grow healthily and happily in me.. I have strong faith that it would be a strong and happy baby..Much anticipating for it to join us..And all these craps happen..before I could do anything to save it..Its just gone like that.. Losing much faith, I continue praying for full recovery and over my loss pregnancy. Hoping so much all these craps to be over soon..

After a week recuperating, I was told that I'm recovering well and would be fit for work. Was very grateful that things are patching up slowly. After 2 days working, I realised I have been feeling sick, having asthma relapse almost every night , with severe cold feets and hands. Went back to doctor for another check up, was told that I'm doing well..Not to worry but to rest more, and I would be fine soon. On the very day after the morning check up, I got home to rest.But on that evening, I found myself bleeding.. severe bleeding.. which is not normal.. Was rushed back to the doctor for a thorough check up, then to be informed that my cervix bled and there are still blood cloth left in my womb.. Would need to go for another surgery to remove the remaining blood cloth.. I was so stunned and frightened.. Why would these happening on me again, when I have been trying so hard to recover and get back to my life..

I gave up praying since.. I started to lose faith in myself.. I doubt if God hears my prayers.. I doubt if He knows I'm in pain.. I'm totally lost.. I get frustrated at myself for all these craps falling on me again and again.. Where were You when I needed you most ? I believed in You, yet I was given such a big fall.. But why, for those non-Christians or catholic, who never believe in You, they are still bless with a child? Yet I lost mine...

Im so lost..

.........

Someone sms me this :-

Sometimes, God breaks our heart to make us whole,
Sometimes, He sends us pain so we can be stronger,
Sometimes, He sends us failure so we can be humble,
Sometimes, He takes 'EVERYTHING' away from us so we can learn the value of 'EVERYTHING' we have..
but nor matter what the circumstances,just trust in GOD that He will give us the best.

I have always thought that I'm such a blessed child, with so many good things happening around me. I have a 24/7 husband who loves and cares for me. I have a bunch of good friends who cares nor matter how far we are away from,I got a good job with good pay, good staffs to work with, good place to stay, good cars to drive around. Apart from my own parents, I am blessed with extreme nice parents in law who cares a lot for me. On top of that, I am blessed with a baby who soon to join us in September.

I have been very happy throughout the pregnancy. Looking forward to be a good mum, preparing the best for my baby. But things are so unexpected, I had a miscarriage last Saturday. The baby had stopped growing for 2 weeks in me. There is no sign of heartbeat at all. I have been so lost since. Perhaps we have been too anticipated for the baby, so when the doctors told us its gone, its so hard to take it.It has been with me for merely 3 months, dint get to see nor feel it yet, and its gone just like that. Been thinking a lot, wonder why this could happen when we have been putting so much effort to keep it..Never expected this, perhaps, I was blessed with too many good things, I was totally unaware of the bad ones.. I miss my baby from time to time.. But there's nothing I could do to keep it with me.. I do pray hard, that it could rest in peace with the Heavenly Father in heaven.

Though, we couldn't be together. I would like you to know that, we all love and miss you so much.

I'm much thankful for all the concerned phone calls, emails through these bad times. I'm doing a lot better.

*Hugs*