Matters of the heart

Haven't wrote down anything since Des found out I have been grumbling everything in the blog, when I have never utter a word of my grumbles to him. This is what happen when he realised how unhappy I am. We quarrelled. Deleted the blog. But somehow, we still quarrel over small things, where most of the time I found myself throwing temper for nothing as he never understand why I get so mad.

I get mad when he spends more time and money on his car.
I get mad when he chose to stay at home watching tv than accompany me to my parents.

I have been very stressed worrying over my family. The home is in state where everyone hide in their own rooms. Avoiding each other. Parents been in such a difficult position in the family. Hates that bitch. But at the same time, worrying over my bro and the baby. SIGH. I hope he will be doing well in KL then. So the bitch and the asshole bitch's dad could keep their mouth shut and stop looking down on my bro. My bro has been such a spoil child at home, where none of us would scold him, yet now he's leaving to stay with the bitch's dad that scold and treat him like a dog. It hurts to see that.

Parents sold the cafe, hoping to rest and think over of what to do next. Working in cafe ain't easy. I know its very tiring. I hope they could lead a better life or perhaps retire early. They have been working so hard to provide the family needs. My youngest bro, Ah Bee will be leaving to Kl with his wife and baby,and my elder bro, Ah Boy is still out of job. I'm so worried.

I felt so useless for not able to help out. Others felt I'm leading a good life with good in laws and husband. Yet I'm feeling so terrible for not able to help at all.

I wish I could earn more, so I could provide for my family.
I wish I could spend more time with them.
I wish I could turn back the time.

I feel so sick.